


My Tragic Past

by ladeedadaday



Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Backstory, Cady's still in the plastics, Emotions, Fidgeting, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Janis is angsty, Slurs, hardcore fidgeting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladeedadaday/pseuds/ladeedadaday
Summary: Cady worries about Janis, who breaks down almost every week. She asks her to explain why almost everyone in the school hates her.TW: Homphobic slurs, self-harm mentions, attempted suicide mentions
Relationships: Cady Heron & Damian Hubbard & Janis Sarkisian, Cady Heron & Janis Sarkisian, Damian Hubbard & Janis Sarkisian
Kudos: 18





	My Tragic Past

Cady always sensed that there was a lot Janis was hiding from her. Janis always insisted on hiding the scars that were littered all over four out of five of her incredibly pale appendages, even though everyone knew they were there. Janis always insisted on putting concealer over the scar across her neck, even though she knew everyone had already seen pictures of it. There was even a picture in the Burn Book.

Another thing Cady never understood about Janis was that she never allowed Damian to walk her to class, and Cady couldn't really be seen with her.

Cady didn't exactly want to admit it to herself, but she took part in some of Janis's torment. She laughed when they teased her. She ignored Janis any time saw her at school, instead looking straight ahead. 

Something that she did admit was that she always felt like she was missing out on something really great when she saw Janis and Damian at lunch or linking arms as they entered homeroom. "Guys, I don't know if we should go with it. I think it's a bad idea." 

"Cads..." Janis said, her face falling.

"I know you want your revenge and I don't know exactly why, but it's only gonna end badly." Janis looked at Damian. There were tears in her eyes. 

Slowly, Janis nodded. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "I don't want to hurt her. I don't want anybody else to go through even a sliver of what I've had to. Not even Regina George. But you can't exactly cross the queen bee without getting stung. I'm sorry I made you do this... How're you supposed to get out?" 

She quickly squeezed Janis's hand, careful to not let anyone see that they were talking. "I'm gonna figure something out, don't worry." 

"Does Regina know you're gonna model for AP art?" Cady nodded. "We can talk then. Damian's going to be there, too."

Ms. Norbury began her morning announcements and attendance so Janis turned to listen; Ms. Norbury was one of the only teachers she didn't mind. Ms. Norbury had been like a third mother to Janis. (Her mom, Damian's mom, then Ms. Norbury.) She was always understanding when Janis needed to vent and she never judged Janis for who she was, just her actions. 

She thought about telling Cady why she always hid herself in school. The Janis in school is in no way even close to how Janis when she's being normal. Even in her art class, she was always holding back on jokes and self-deprecating comments about her work, opting to instead write them down. She got along well with the art kids for a while, but there were a few issues and their relationships were ever the same from that day forward. 

"Hey, babe? You okay, darling?" Damian asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Fine, just kind zoned out. I'm sure I didn't get enough sleep or something." He nodded. The bell rang and most people jumped up, a few staying behind to talk to Ms. Norbury. Janis and Cady walked two separate ways and Damian waited until he couldn't see Janis anymore, and then he went in that same direction to get to his first class. 

Almost as soon as she turned the corner there were people shoving her around as she clutched her notebook to her chest, messenger bag bouncing around when she walked. "Hey, space dyke!" She kept her head down and pretended she didn't hear. "Where are you going?" Her steps got faster and longer and she tried her hardest to avoid any confrontation. 

She turned into her first class, sighing as she landed in her seat in the back. She was currently working on a sketch for a painting she wanted to do of her, Damian, and Cady. Unfortunately, she had to be very careful with drawing Cady at school because she knew people would attack her for that. There was a reason she never drew female characters in class. She drew patterns and objects because that's what was safe. 

The bell rang and the teacher said something about reading. "I'll figure out whatever it is tonight... she'll post it on the Google Classroom anyways." She muttered, bringing her notebook close to her chest once more so no one could take the only thing that mattered. "Just gotta make it through a few more weeks. Just a few more weeks." 

"Babes, are you doin' alright?" Damian whispered as they entered one of their only shared classes. "It looks like you're getting bad again." 

"I'll be fine. Just kinda thinking about how I'm gonna explain all this to Cads." He nodded and they took their seats. "Gotta figure out how to do it without crying." She decided to write down a list of all of the things she wanted to explain to Cady. "Do I tell her everything or do I keep some of my secrets?"

"I think you tell her the important stuff, but you can tell her the other stuff when we're not at school if you want to. Cause if people overheard something like that..." Janis nodded in agreement, returning to her list. Damian tapped her desk with his fingers. She looked up at him. "Class is over, darling." 

"Sorry." He gave her a sad smile, taking her hand as they exited class together. They shared their next class and then had lunch. 

Janis never paid much attention in her classes. She never needed to. She did the homework and studied for tests, but always relied on the emails her teachers sent her with the lesson plan. _Not much longer,_ she reminded herself. _Only a few more weeks._

"Lunch, Jan." And suddenly she was in the cafeteria. 

"Did we walk here?" Damian nodded as they sat down in their usual spots. "Oh. Guess I kinda zoned out again." 

"Do you want a hug?" She smiled.

He opened his arms for her to launch herself into. "I _always_ want a hug."

"Touch starved." He teased, chuckling as she pressed herself as close to him as possible.

She decided that she felt good enough to joke back. "You know it." He squeezed her hand three times. _I love you._ That's what it meant. They developed that code in eighth grade when Janis sometimes wasn't able to talk because of really bad days with her anxiety and self-hatred. She squeezed back three times. He kissed her forehead. "I feel like something really bad is gonna happen to Caddy and I don't know what but it could be even worse than what happened to me." 

"Shh, just relax. You're tense and I know it's hard but you need to stop worrying so much." She shivered. 

"I know. I just have a bad feeling." 

"I know, baby. I do, too, but you can't let it get in the way of everything." He rubbed her back, squeezing her hand, this time for comfort. "Let's say that, _hypothetically_ , something were to happen. It's not like everything's gonna fall apart in your world, right? Because no matter what happens, I will _always_ be here for you."

She hummed. "I'm here for you, too. You're always making sure I'm okay and I'm really sorry that I don't do enough for you." 

"Yes you do. I'm so lucky that you're my best friend. You're the reason I'm so happy. You're the one that helped me when my dad left. You're constantly supportive of my theatre stuff. You're honest and you're hilarious and I love you so much. I love helping you and comforting you and being around you, okay? So don't ever think that you're being a bad friend because I promise you aren't." He said, drawing patterns on her back with his finger. "JanJan..." 

"Huh?" She lifted her head from his shoulder. 

He looked down at her. "Nothing, just saying your nickname cause I like it."

She put her head back down. "Okay." 

Janis almost fell asleep before the bell rang, but alas, she was harshly pulled from her state of peacefulness and was forced to go to her next class. She was separated from Damian until her art class. 

She turned on autopilot for the rest of the day until she had art and was about to explain to Cady all about her tragic, tortured past. Damian had a free period so he always hung out with Janis in art and he was there to comfort her if she needed it. "Okay, first, sit down facing me. Damian, can you fix her hair a little bit?" He nodded, making little adjustments and sitting back down behind Janis. "Okay, Cads, what do you wanna know?" She asked, already feeling more chipper than she had all day. (Art had a really positive effect on her, and it might've also been because she had an excuse to stare at and draw Cady.)

"What are all your scars from and why do you try to hide them?" She hummed, trying to figure out how to answer. 

"Well, they're from me. That used to be my coping mechanism, but I've stopped. I guess I try to hide them because I don't really like to think about that part of my life. I've changed a lot since then and I'm much more proud of who I am now than I used to be. I think it's just my way of moving on. Next thing?" 

Cady had to think for a moment. "Why does everyone tease you so much?" 

"Because I'm gay and I'm proud of who I am... mostly." Cady frowned. "Cads, smile, I'm trying to sketch you. And ask me another question." 

"Why were you so upset that Regina said she couldn't invite you because her mom said that she could only have six people?" Her mouth dropped open as soon as she fully processed the story. 

"Wait... is that how she's telling it? She lied to you?" Cady tilted her head. "Stay still! Anyways... what actually happened is that she came up to me before school and said that I couldn't come to her pool party because she thought I was a lesbian and... it's whatever." 

"Oh, Janis..." 

"It's fine, Caddy." 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! please comment if there's something you liked, i could work on, or if there's something you'd like me to write! <3


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